What being Introverted actually means

He is just shy and doesn´t like to talk a lot, he is probably just introverted. I have heard this sentence in my life a lot and it's a common thing for people mistakenly equate introversion with being shy and socially awkward. In this weeks blogpost I want to dive deep into the definition of an introvert, how to deal with introverted people and I want to convince you that introversion is a positive and not a second class personality trait.

First of all I want to give you a definition of an Introvert, that I got from Susan Cains Book "Quiet": "Introverts are drawn to the inner world of thought and feeling, said Jung, extroverts to the external life of people and activities. Introverts focus on the meaning they make of the events swirling arround them; extroverts plunge into the events themselves. Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone; extroverts need to recharge when they don´t socialize enough." I propaply knew before reading this definition, that I fall into the introverted camp rather than the extroverted camp, but it gave me the clarity, that I am not the only one that feels like this. At least one third of the poeple on this world are introverts by this definition. But what is the learning behind that definition? It tells us that introverts do like participating in social events, but that those social gatherings are mentally and physically draining and that they need their alone time to recharge their energy. So in generall introverts prefer less external simuli, noise, interactions, new experiences, social expactations and extroverts prefer experiencing as many stimuli as possible. But this definition clearly does not tell us, that being shy and socially awkward is part of being an introvert. Those traits can go together, but I believe this is often a social skills problem. Extroverts, who like being the center of attention take every opportunity to join big group events and like to socialize whenever they can. By doing that they improve their social skills and their ability to adapt to social events. Introverts on the other hand rarely get an opportunity to join big social events, because they often prefer alone time or spending time with people they are really close with. So when meeting new people or being part of a social event with many people you often get the impression of them being shy, but in reality they lack the experience and the skills and just need time to warm up. In addition to that not having to talk all the time and being the center of attention is often not shyness, it is the strong urge of wanting to be an attentive listener, who actually is interested in other people.

In the second part of this blopost I want to put a strong focus on the Extroversion bias, which says that the world we live in is adapted to extroverts and how the media and society have developed being extroverted as the winning personality trait, which everybody should have or develop in his life. Being extroverted is associated with hapiness and success. People like Steve Wozniak or Bill Gates show us that this is simply not true and those are only 2 creative geniuses, who are introverted. Studies have shown that working alone and spending a lot of time alone in general increases productivity and creativity. There is still the strong bias, that lawyers, CEOs, Politicians and basically any job, where you have to command respect, has to be done by an extrovert, but studies actually show that having introverted people in leading positions leads to improved results, because introverts often are better listeners and try to include all people in a discussion to come to a well thought out decision. In addition to that the world arround us is often adapted to an extroverts behaviour. In competetive job interviews job recruiters tend to pick people, who try to be the leader in every conversation, in school group works are implemented in every possible way and at work open plan offices are the new standard. I don't want to complain to much about introverts being disadvantaged and there are probably also situations, where extroverts have it harder, but most of the time introverts are the ones, who have to adapt their personality. This can be hard, because Introversion is partly genetically originated and partly shaped by life and can't be changed in a blink of a second. This is not an excuse for introverts not standing up for themselfes and being confident. Many introverted people avoid joining big group events, which make them feel uncomfortable and justify this by saying they are introverted, so they don't like social events. This is often only partly based on being introverted. There is often social anxiety included. Introverts should you always ask themselves the question, whenever they say no to something, are they saying no, because they actually prefer to say no or are they saying no, because social anxiety is hindering them from doing something. If the answer is social anxiety, you should definitely dive deeper into this and try to get rid of those anxious thoughts. "Being introverted is your way, social anxiety gets into your way."

You have probably heard of the saying opposites attract each other. This is also true for introverts and extroverts. Often times introverts and extroverts end up in a relationship or are mixed in a friend group and the most important advice I can give you is to show understanding for the opposite party. When someone rejects your invite, because he wants to spend some time alone, don't treat this as a personal attack and a reason to end the friendship. Just accept it as it is and maybe invite the person to spend some time together, just the two of you. On the other side introverts defnitly need to work on their communication and find the confidence to speak up for themselves, when they feel uncomfortable with something. Following this advice can lead to great relationships between extroverts and introverts, that actually complement each other.

I hope I could change your understanding of introverts, why we behave like we behave and why being introverted can actually be beneficial.

See you next week.

Cheers Emil